Why am I doing this??

Many people asked me why I started My Very Own Angel? They asked how the idea came to me? and How was I able to get so much done in such a short amount of time?

For those of you that do not know me, I am Vayden's mother and you can read his blog Through My Mothers Eye's at http://vaydenjamesstewart.blogspot.com/. It is a story of my journey through carrying to term and after the loss of my 2nd son. I never dreamed or imagined to write a blog, never dreamed that it's topic would be on pregnancy and infant loss. I still remember the morning of January 21, 2009 when my world came crashing down on me. When my true test of strength and faith actually started. I called myself a Christian before then, I loved the Lord and gave thanks when I remembered to, but I was not a real Christian before that day, because my relationship with God was not strong, in fact before that day my relationships with everyone in my life was not strong. I remember after finding out about Vayden I asked a friend with me to phone my husband then directly after phone my brother Terron and tell him to pray and let the family know to start praying. I phoned him 1st because I knew out of anyone in my family his relationship with God was the best. Then I cried and I cried wondering how bad of a person could I have been to deserve this? Something we must all have done once or twice.

By the time I got home I was determined to not let the devil win in this battle and began to pray for a healing, but I only prayed for what I wanted and I never thanked God for what he has given. I search daily for signs that he was hard at work HEALING my baby, not realizing that God had been hard at work my entire life.

One day in prayer I started off giving thanks, thanking him for my life, for my family, for everything including Vayden healthy or sick. One week later I was told that Vayden's kidneys had failed. I was crushed, I was angry with God, but I had not lost my faithfulness to him and that anger only lasted a few days until I finally realized that God heard our prayers all along. We prayed for a total and complete healing, but never specified how, meaning on earth or in heaven.
I told only two people the God let me know that Vayden was going to die but in fact be born alive. There were so many people that wanted me to keep praying, I didn't want them to think I gave up hope. I didn't give up hope or lose my faith, I just trusted in what God told me.

Vayden was born alive and we were blessed with a wonderful 3 hrs and 45 min, we rejoiced God and praised him for that miracle. Vayden went to heaven and received a total and complete healing dealing with no LUTO/PUV and we gave thanks to God for that. We never question or spoke anger about Vayden's passing. We knew that God as promised was still hard at work.

Only two weeks after Vayden's passing, I kept having these ideas come in and out of my head, strong ideas that would make me think about them all day. I was given a new idea everyday sometimes two or three a day. I began to write them down so I wouldn't forget, and the number 345 kept coming up and I kept thinking how Vayden was as cuddly as a teddy bear and BAM!!! The 345 Teddy Bear Project was created. Then the name was My Very Own Angel was created in a conversation where I was asked how many children I have? I shared this information with my mother and we began working hard at creating MVOA the ideas continued through out the creation and they continue even now. Where do I think these ideas are coming from??? Only from two people God and my baby boy Vayden.

So, Why am I doing this?? To honor God, my son and to help many many other families, because the bible says "All things work together for good, to those that love God" Romans 8:28 and it's very, very true. I continued to praise God in times of good and in time of bad and he showed me the truth and reason behind the life and death of my son.

How did I do this so fast?? My mother and I worked hard daily on this project, my body still felt that I was supposed to have a newborn and a 2 yr old, so I stayed up late at night like I had a new born with colic, but MVOA is far from complete, there are so many more ideas so stick with us while we bless others from our blessing..........Vayden James Stewart.