I Promise Myself

I Promise Myself....by Christian D. Larson

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.

To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.

To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.


The first time I saw this was in my parent’s bathroom. It hangs so perfectly behind the door so that when you’re doing your business and have nothing else to look at you read this.

It applies to the entire mankind; every living person on earth should make strong efforts to live under these standards. What I like most about it is that regardless of what your religious beliefs are The Secret can be used. So there are no more excuses to why you're so un happy. I’ve spoken to many women who have suffered a loss and they say “I wish I had your faith in God, then maybe this wouldn’t hurt so bad.” The truth is Vayden’s loss hurts very bad; my faith in God allows me to find the blessings in his passing.
The Secret, by Christian D. Larson, is something that I try to read every day when I wake up in the morning. I try to take it line by line and every day, apply one line in my daily living. I admit I often fail, in the path to become a better person, at times I let evil get the best of me. I admit this to you because that is the 1st step to change, and with all that has been going on lately, don’t we all agree it is time?

When a child dies we can lose faith and joy, we lose hope for anything to ever be good again, we also can very easily slip into a rage of anger, jealousy and envy for those who don’t suffer the ultimate pain of losing a child. Our outlook changes and we can fall into a very dark place. Grief is filled with dark rooms; everyone who suffers a loss very close to them takes a tour of that room. When the loss is of a child the room is much darker, navigating out of that room is about the hardest thing you can go through, but staying in that dark room is very damaging to your well being.

For the next twelve weeks I will take The Secret, line by line and summary each line in my walk to become a better person, I will go over what the line means to me and how I applied it in my week. I hope that you will follow along with me and every week post on your blog a line from The Secret and how you’ve applied that line in your life that week. By the end of the 12 weeks’ I hope to notice the better person I’ve become along with bringing better people into my life. Come along on the journey with me, and let’s put The Secret to the test

See you on Monday for the 1st post.

Also My Very Own Angel would love to start hosting blog giveaways for mommies and families of angels, but we need more followers, so tell your friends that have their very own angels to follow us on blogger.

Why am I doing this??

Many people asked me why I started My Very Own Angel? They asked how the idea came to me? and How was I able to get so much done in such a short amount of time?

For those of you that do not know me, I am Vayden's mother and you can read his blog Through My Mothers Eye's at http://vaydenjamesstewart.blogspot.com/. It is a story of my journey through carrying to term and after the loss of my 2nd son. I never dreamed or imagined to write a blog, never dreamed that it's topic would be on pregnancy and infant loss. I still remember the morning of January 21, 2009 when my world came crashing down on me. When my true test of strength and faith actually started. I called myself a Christian before then, I loved the Lord and gave thanks when I remembered to, but I was not a real Christian before that day, because my relationship with God was not strong, in fact before that day my relationships with everyone in my life was not strong. I remember after finding out about Vayden I asked a friend with me to phone my husband then directly after phone my brother Terron and tell him to pray and let the family know to start praying. I phoned him 1st because I knew out of anyone in my family his relationship with God was the best. Then I cried and I cried wondering how bad of a person could I have been to deserve this? Something we must all have done once or twice.

By the time I got home I was determined to not let the devil win in this battle and began to pray for a healing, but I only prayed for what I wanted and I never thanked God for what he has given. I search daily for signs that he was hard at work HEALING my baby, not realizing that God had been hard at work my entire life.

One day in prayer I started off giving thanks, thanking him for my life, for my family, for everything including Vayden healthy or sick. One week later I was told that Vayden's kidneys had failed. I was crushed, I was angry with God, but I had not lost my faithfulness to him and that anger only lasted a few days until I finally realized that God heard our prayers all along. We prayed for a total and complete healing, but never specified how, meaning on earth or in heaven.
I told only two people the God let me know that Vayden was going to die but in fact be born alive. There were so many people that wanted me to keep praying, I didn't want them to think I gave up hope. I didn't give up hope or lose my faith, I just trusted in what God told me.

Vayden was born alive and we were blessed with a wonderful 3 hrs and 45 min, we rejoiced God and praised him for that miracle. Vayden went to heaven and received a total and complete healing dealing with no LUTO/PUV and we gave thanks to God for that. We never question or spoke anger about Vayden's passing. We knew that God as promised was still hard at work.

Only two weeks after Vayden's passing, I kept having these ideas come in and out of my head, strong ideas that would make me think about them all day. I was given a new idea everyday sometimes two or three a day. I began to write them down so I wouldn't forget, and the number 345 kept coming up and I kept thinking how Vayden was as cuddly as a teddy bear and BAM!!! The 345 Teddy Bear Project was created. Then the name was My Very Own Angel was created in a conversation where I was asked how many children I have? I shared this information with my mother and we began working hard at creating MVOA the ideas continued through out the creation and they continue even now. Where do I think these ideas are coming from??? Only from two people God and my baby boy Vayden.

So, Why am I doing this?? To honor God, my son and to help many many other families, because the bible says "All things work together for good, to those that love God" Romans 8:28 and it's very, very true. I continued to praise God in times of good and in time of bad and he showed me the truth and reason behind the life and death of my son.

How did I do this so fast?? My mother and I worked hard daily on this project, my body still felt that I was supposed to have a newborn and a 2 yr old, so I stayed up late at night like I had a new born with colic, but MVOA is far from complete, there are so many more ideas so stick with us while we bless others from our blessing..........Vayden James Stewart.

Website Launch

Today is a wonderful day. Today I launched the website I've been working on day and night everyday and every night, for weeks. It so happens to fall on the day after my sweet angels 2 month heavenly marker. I tried so hard to get it launched yesterday but I was very busy. I miss him dearly. Today is also a great day because I placed the 1st order for my 345 Teddy Bear Project, I should be getting the teddy bears soon and then I will be a busy bee attaching the necklaces on them, and getting them ready to be donated. I am so excited!!!!!!

I got to try out my very special MVOA t-shirt today at play group and it was a success. When one of the moms whom I had not known asked who the shirt was for, I got to briefly tell her about Vayden. I was able to honor him and make it known that I had more than just one child. It was amazing.

Don't forget to check out the website http://myveryownangel.org/

Stephanie